life sometimes falls to shit. but you get back up, dust yourself off and move forward. then it'll happen again, without fail. but once again, you get back up again and dust yourself off and move forward, it may be a bit more difficult this time but you do it. but what the hell are you supposed to do when you're being pushed back down to the floor when you've hardly got your balance back?
I don't know if it's because negatives tend to out-weigh positives, but these past few months have been total wank. i haven't had any time to recover from anything before the next blow, and i'm starting to feel myself going mad. there's signs of insomnia coming back and the only time i've been truly happy in a long time is when i've been on drugs- bit of a contradiction there really.
after the summer i thought to myself that the only way things can get better is to hit rock bottom first. i thought this happened at the end of september when a very close family friend passed away. it effected me more than i could ever of thought possible, but i tried to use his example of his positivity in the past few years of his life to help me think of the brighter side of life, easier said than done really. (R.I.P Russell, i hope you enjoyed the bitch fight at the end of the day hahahaha)
it makes me so mad that i mope around sometimes feeling sorry for myself when things could be so much worse- i have great friends, i'm at university getting a degree, a roof over my head, food in my belly. but sometimes that isn't enough, as a result of a certain individual i don't trust anyone, i think the worst of peoples intentions, i'm paranoid and i'm lonely.
something very small (in the grand scheme of things) happened this morning putting me instantly in a bad mood and taking over my day- a day i don't have time to waste, this as a result has stressed me out once more and i can't concentrate to do anything, my mind is running away with me.
i know in a couple of days i'll be grinning again and be wondering why i was so pissed off and concerned in the first place, but how long till the next blow after that? maybe if i have no expectations i'll never be disappointed.
so, a nice upbeat blog there lol. i had to get it out though, organise my thoughts a bit. guess i'll be looking for that next step forward
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
